Aseptic loosening of total joint replacements (TJRs) continues to be the main cause of implant failures. The socioeconomic impact of surgical revisions is hugely significant; in the United Kingdom alone, it is estimated that £135m is spent annually on revision arthroplasties. Enhancing the longevity of titanium implants will help reduce the incidence and overall cost of failed devices. In realising the development of a superior titanium (Ti) technology, we took inspiration from the growing interest in reactive polydopamine thin films for biomaterial surface functionalisations. Adopting a "one-pot" approach, we exposed medical-grade titanium to a mildly alkaline solution of dopamine hydrochloride (DHC) supplemented with (3S)1-fluoro-3-hydroxy-4-(oleoyloxy)butyl-1-phosphonate (FHBP), a phosphatase-resistant analogue of lysophosphatidic acid (LPA). Importantly, LPA and selected LPA analogues like FHBP synergistically cooperate with calcitriol to promote human osteoblast formation and maturation. Herein, we provide evidence that simply immersing Ti in aqueous solutions of DHC-FHBP afforded a surface that was superior to FHBP-Ti at enhancing osteoblast maturation. The facile step we have taken to modify Ti and the biological performance of the final surface finish are appealing properties that may attract the attention of implant manufacturers in the future.