OBJECTIVE to know and analyze the perceptions of adolescents with high social vulnerability regarding the establishment of dating violence. METHODS a qualitative research study carried out with 19 adolescents from a central municipality São Paulo, Brazil. Data collection took place by means of focus groups and field diaries, with the data being analyzed thematically. RESULTS two categories emerged: "A new female posture in a context of traditional gender norms" and "Violence in intimate relationships: the (non)perception of adolescents". Traditional gender norms still occupy a significant place in the design of dating violence among adolescents. Such behaviors are more visible in these relationships, when commitment and exclusivity are seen as the main characteristics, authorizing possession and control. Jealousy emerges as the main trigger for violence and the technologies appear as contemporary resources to reinforce it. CONCLUSIONS the need for early interventions with adolescents is reiterated, with a focus on actions that promote gender equality.